Perpetual Truster

I am a perpetual worrier. When I looked up the word “perpetual” in Webster’s it said “continuing forever; everlasting”. Yup, that sounds pretty much like me. I know a lot of people are worriers, but add that to a melancholy personality and major depressive disorder and you’ve got one explosive combination. (You can learn what a melancholy personality is in the book “Personality Plus” by Florence Littauer. I HIGHLY recommend everyone reads it. Chad requires this book for all of his pre-marital counseling.)

I was watching the birds outside my kitchen window yesterday. We have a few bird feeders in our front yard and have attracted all kinds of birds – chickadees, doves, pigeons, finches, robins, woodpeckers, blue jays and so on. Over the weekend we have attracted a new group of birds. They are beautiful black birds with a red and orange block of color on their wings. They are so amazing to watch, and their bright wings stand out so well against their black feathers.

Well, it was another windy, rainy day in the UP of Michigan, so along with the leaves and the trees, the bird feeders were being swayed back and forth in the wind. As I was watching the birds go from feeder to feeder my mind was drawn to the scripture in Matthew 6, where it talks about how God takes care of the birds.

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.  But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying “What shall we eat?” or “What shall we drink?” or “What shall we wear?” For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Matthew 6: 25-34

That scripture came to life as I was watching out the window. It’s so easy for me to believe that God can take care of the birds and other people too, for that matter. Why is it so difficult for me to believe that God can and wants to take care of me too? Oh, I know that God loves me and I truly believe that. But do I realize that God loves ME – Samantha? I have been feeling a little disconnected lately, having a difficult time trusting Him with some things – some pretty big things. It’s very easy to say we believe in Him, and we trust Him. But it’s a completely different thing to actually put those words into action.

Through all of my struggles, God has been faithful. He has proven himself over and over and I have absolutely no reason NOT to trust Him. I want to trust Him with everything. I don’t want to worry about the little things in life, or even the big things. I want to say that I have conquered all my fears and can handle anything God sets in front of me. But I know that I can’t. At least, not without Him walking with me, and at times, holding me close and letting me feel His presence during the roughest of times.

I would like to think my goal is to become a “perpetual truster”. The definition of “trust” in Webster’s is “assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something”.  As a perpetual truster, I will be learning to trust in my Father’s character, power, and His Word, more and more each and every day. I don’t think it’s OK to worry about things and to let them gain such a grip on you that you can’t do what God is asking or even see how God is working through your life.

I am seriously feeling like God wants me to move to some new level in my walk. And please, everyone is at a different place in their walk with Christ. I do my best not to compare myself with others, and how “spiritual” they are or aren’t. And honestly, I feel very vulnerable putting this out there. I don’t want people to expect anything of me that I can’t deliver. I only know I don’t want to stay here in limbo when I know God is asking more of me. And I really only think He’s asking me to completely trust Him.

So, what do I do with all of these worries and doubts running around inside of my head? I give it to God, communicate my fears and frustrations to Him, and then ask Him to have His will.

“Help me be obedient when You call me to action. Help me to trust You, especially with the big things. Help me to become a ‘perpetual truster’.”