Texting Buddies

My last few posts have been on the more serious, deep side, so I thought I’d write on something that was a blessing during my battle with depression.

Over the last 9 years, I have truly understood the importance of friendship. Chad and I have been blessed immensely with close friendships since our years at Lake Superior State University. We have friends from high school and college that we still keep in touch with today.We have met new friends at work and church, who we enjoy spending time with and are a great source of encouragement. We have friends from different family backgrounds, different political views, different religious beliefs, and different age groups.

Personally, I have a few close friends who know a lot about me, who I can call and ask for prayer for a particular hardship, or who I can sit down and simply enjoy a cup of coffee with. One of those friends is Carrie. Many of you may recognize her as the one who pairs up with Jennie on Facebook in order to keep Chad humble. 🙂 Carrie and I have known each other since our years at LSSU, but have developed a close friendship over the last 7 years.

Carrie is a friend like no other. We can talk about serious issues like children, motherhood, marriage, and spiritual growth, and then a half an hour later, she’ll send me a text or an email teasing me about my animosity towards Hooters Restaurant. Her husband wrote a post about her on their blog He Says, She Says, and it’s a great description of who she truly is. She does bring out the best in everyone, and has a genuine interest in people. I am not a natural people person. I am much better at making lists and completing tasks. She has definitely been an example to me of the importance of placing relationships over tasks.

As our friendship grew, Carrie has become my number one confidante. Chad has given me permission to talk with her about anything, including him. He knows the need I have for “getting it all out” and trusts Carrie’s judgement and character. Over one particular phone conversation I was telling her about an argument Chad and I had, and she asked if I wanted honesty or just a listening ear. I replied honesty and she told me I needed to apologize to him! Of course I knew she was right but did not want to admit that at all. 🙂

Carrie is a friend I will have forever. We text each other all the time, but can go days without talking and it’s not a big deal. We both understand that we have families, church responsibilities, school work, and husbands we want to spend time with. I really appreciate that about her. There’ s no pressure to spend a certain amount of time with her or talk to her every single day, even though I usually do. I can be myself and she accepts me for who I am.

When I was in the deepest depression, she would help keep things in perspective for me. I have told her feelings, emotions, and thoughts that I have told no one else, except Chad. You know that saying, “A friend is someone who knows all about you, but still loves you anyway”? That’s exactly what she is.

God has definitely blessed me with Carrie’s friendship. I pray that you have a friend like her that you can confide in, trust in, laugh with, pray with, receive encouragement from, and be honest with you. Thank you Carrie for knowing all about me but loving me anyway. And thank you to our husbands, Ryan and Chad, for making sure we both have unlimited texting plans. 😉

Perpetual Truster

I am a perpetual worrier. When I looked up the word “perpetual” in Webster’s it said “continuing forever; everlasting”. Yup, that sounds pretty much like me. I know a lot of people are worriers, but add that to a melancholy personality and major depressive disorder and you’ve got one explosive combination. (You can learn what a melancholy personality is in the book “Personality Plus” by Florence Littauer. I HIGHLY recommend everyone reads it. Chad requires this book for all of his pre-marital counseling.)

I was watching the birds outside my kitchen window yesterday. We have a few bird feeders in our front yard and have attracted all kinds of birds – chickadees, doves, pigeons, finches, robins, woodpeckers, blue jays and so on. Over the weekend we have attracted a new group of birds. They are beautiful black birds with a red and orange block of color on their wings. They are so amazing to watch, and their bright wings stand out so well against their black feathers.

Well, it was another windy, rainy day in the UP of Michigan, so along with the leaves and the trees, the bird feeders were being swayed back and forth in the wind. As I was watching the birds go from feeder to feeder my mind was drawn to the scripture in Matthew 6, where it talks about how God takes care of the birds.

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.  But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying “What shall we eat?” or “What shall we drink?” or “What shall we wear?” For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Matthew 6: 25-34

That scripture came to life as I was watching out the window. It’s so easy for me to believe that God can take care of the birds and other people too, for that matter. Why is it so difficult for me to believe that God can and wants to take care of me too? Oh, I know that God loves me and I truly believe that. But do I realize that God loves ME – Samantha? I have been feeling a little disconnected lately, having a difficult time trusting Him with some things – some pretty big things. It’s very easy to say we believe in Him, and we trust Him. But it’s a completely different thing to actually put those words into action.

Through all of my struggles, God has been faithful. He has proven himself over and over and I have absolutely no reason NOT to trust Him. I want to trust Him with everything. I don’t want to worry about the little things in life, or even the big things. I want to say that I have conquered all my fears and can handle anything God sets in front of me. But I know that I can’t. At least, not without Him walking with me, and at times, holding me close and letting me feel His presence during the roughest of times.

I would like to think my goal is to become a “perpetual truster”. The definition of “trust” in Webster’s is “assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something”.  As a perpetual truster, I will be learning to trust in my Father’s character, power, and His Word, more and more each and every day. I don’t think it’s OK to worry about things and to let them gain such a grip on you that you can’t do what God is asking or even see how God is working through your life.

I am seriously feeling like God wants me to move to some new level in my walk. And please, everyone is at a different place in their walk with Christ. I do my best not to compare myself with others, and how “spiritual” they are or aren’t. And honestly, I feel very vulnerable putting this out there. I don’t want people to expect anything of me that I can’t deliver. I only know I don’t want to stay here in limbo when I know God is asking more of me. And I really only think He’s asking me to completely trust Him.

So, what do I do with all of these worries and doubts running around inside of my head? I give it to God, communicate my fears and frustrations to Him, and then ask Him to have His will.

“Help me be obedient when You call me to action. Help me to trust You, especially with the big things. Help me to become a ‘perpetual truster’.”

 

Has Your Identity Been Stolen?

Learning who I truly was in Christ was a huge step towards my victory over depression. I talk with people often who don’t really grasp the fact that once they have surrendered their lives to Christ they ARE His children. This is especially true for those of us who live in that black cloud of depression. We are so driven by how we feel, that even if we know the truth in our minds, but don’t have it grounded in our hearts, we will not be able to live out our identity in Christ.

For me, this was a foundational truth that took a while to sink in. I had condemned myself for so long, that I was believing the lies the enemy was whispering in my ear – “You’ll never be a good enough wife or mother. You can’t control your anger, so why even try? Can God really help you? Why would He want to use you?” Without knowing who I was in Christ, life did seem hopeless.

So what does it mean to have our identity in Christ? I believe the following verses will give a much better description than I can.

• Romans 8:1-2

“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”

• Romans 8:37

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.”

• 2 Corinthians 5:17

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”

• Ephesians 4:21-24

“Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”

• I John 4:17

“In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like Him.”

All the same rights are given to us, simply because we are God’s children. We have the same power available to us that raised Christ from the dead! We have authority over the enemy. We are a new creation. God is in the process of renewing our minds. We are no longer under condemnation, but under grace.

It took me a while to understand all of this. And I still have a lot of questions on how God really makes me “righteous and holy” even though I still lose it with my kids or give Chad those glares from across the living room (you ladies out there know what I’m talking about). This is where I have to trust God. I have to trust that His promises are true. I have to pray these verses over myself and my family.

It is so important to hide this truth in our hearts (Psalm 119:11). Otherwise how could I, or you, fight the deceptions of the enemy or the negative talk we speak to ourselves? How could I be a wife and mother who models Christ in her home? How could we share with others the hope that Jesus gives? How could we know true victory if we don’t know His Word?

No matter how you feel, no matter what lies the enemy is whispering in your ear, no matter what you’ve done in the past, you have the same identity that Christ has. That means we can be like Jesus even here on this screwed up, wretched earth we call our temporary home. There is no other power like the power of God. And it is already available to you. It always has been.