Family is Messy . . and Changing

Today, I want to continue where I left off on Wednesday, when I expanded on 3 different ways the Church and parents can work together to mentor and disciple our children. All of this information was from a conference that my husband, myself, and 5 members of our church attended last week. This is not new information, but it was so eye-opening to me that I wanted to share it with all of you – whether you have children or not.

(If you missed Wednesday’s blog, you can read it here.)

4) Create a rhythm – Tap into the power of quality moments together and build a sense of purpose through everyday experiences.

This one is very practical, and I think, quite simple, for today’s families. We all know families are busy – soccer practice, basketball games, ballet lessons, evening work meetings, overtime, and on and on and on. If you’re like me, then you feel like you need to wait for the perfect moment to disciple your children. Well, that just doesn’t happen. I’d be waiting forever. We can use the everyday situations in our lives to “memorize God’s laws, and tell them to our children over and over again.” Do you eat dinner together at least 2 or 3 times a week? Do you ride in the same vehicle together, on the way to school or church? For those of us with younger kids, do you tuck your children in at night?

Our family has implemented some of these spiritual disciplines in practical ways. In our van we have music cd’s – one for Connor and a few for the girls. They are age-appropriate Christian music that our kids love and can easily learn the words too. We also have “Adventures in Odyssey” cd’s that my oldest daughter loves to listen to. I’ve also made it a goal to read and pray with my kids before bed at least 3 times a week. I tried doing this every night and just about gave myself a mental breakdown. By the time we’d get ready for bed I’d be so stressed that I’d be shouting, “Now get your Bible and let’s read!” What a great spiritual example I am. 🙂

I’m so glad God doesn’t have one particular method or style of parenting our children spiritually. What works for my best friend with 5 children ages 3 – 12, may not work for me. Or what works for my friend with one tween daughter who homeschools and is involved in many extra-curricular activities, would not work for me either. Nor would my methods and styles of parenting work for them. God made us unique, and I’m glad that he lets us parent our children uniquely.

5) Widen the Circle – Have other trusted adults in the lives of children before they need them so they will be there when they need them.

The Church can provide these relationships for your kids. Schools and sports teams can’t guarantee a strong, faith-filled, follower of Christ to mentor your child. You and your church leadership together can proactively get leaders involved in the lives of your children and children who attend your church.

Off the top of my head, I can think of at least 6 different adults that I would trust with my children. I would trust them to be a spiritual example, to disciple them, to take care of them, and to simply be an encouragement to them – knowing that they love my children too. One particular family I have in mind, I would have absolutely no problem with them disciplining my children. In fact, they have no problem with us disciplining their children. (And when I say discipline I mean “correcting” or “setting a good example” for their behavior or attitude.) This is what it means to widen the circle for our kids. My girls are coming close to an age where they may not want to talk with Mom or Dad about personal things. I thank God that they still do, but I want to be prepared to encourage them to talk to someone else if need be; someone else that I trust completely.

I know that’s a lot of information to digest. I was a bit overwhelmed myself, but even though it seems a bit daunting it also gave me hope. God had a plan . . . even way back to when the Israelites were about to enter the Promised Land. He knows exactly what our children need, and he knows what we need as parents.

I challenge you to pray, asking God to show you how you can implement these strategies in the lives of your children, and other people’s children. And you don’t have to be a parent yourself to be a great example or a good friend to a 5-year-old or 15-year-old. Our kids these days can use all the positive examples they can find. And we as parents are desperate to direct them to those positive examples.

What one simple thing can you do today, to show a child, the unconditional love of Christ?

Where’s Your Focus?

Yesterday was Sunday. A day that we get together as a Christian family to worship our Amazing God. A day to be encouraged by each other, pray for each other and start our week off with a positive event. The absolute last thing I wanted to do yesterday was go to church. Whenever I’m having a bad attitude or even just a crabby day I don’t want to be around anybody. Especially a bunch of people who are happy.

Why is it when we need the body of believers the most, we hide from them? Or when we need God’s grace more than ever, we run away from it? For me it was a matter of enjoying the emotional state I was in. Well, maybe not enjoy it, but feeling like I deserved to feel this way. That week maybe someone had unknowingly hurt me, or I was struggling with controlling my emotions. I may have had an argument with my husband (this will be in a later blog post) or the kids were driving me crazy that morning and I had to paint on a smiley face right before getting out of the van in the church parking lot.

Having a positive attitude is a lot of work. In fact, having an attitude like Christ is a lot of work. Or is it? I used to feel like that. Ugh, I just didn’t want to try anymore. I just wanted to give up and sit on my lump of ashes and feel sorry for myself. Both of those options take a lot of work and a lot of energy. You know what I found to be the most freeing, satisfying way to deal with my crabbiness, whether it is a constant negative mood or situational irritation? Focusing on others first and telling God exactly how I feel.

Chad, my husband, would often tell me the best way to get rid of my bad attitude was to think of others and focus on serving them. I thought he was crazy. “He doesn’t deal with depression so what does he know?” When I actually began applying that to everyday living, I was amazed at how much it worked. It’s hard to feel sorry for yourself when you look at pictures of kids in Guatemala who have no shoes, read articles about women who were rescued from a life of sex-trafficking, or meet people who were actually persecuted for their Christian faith. This new perspective doesn’t negate your own feelings, it lets you know you’re not alone in this world. So many people need help. God created us to need each other and you can be used to introduce freedom and purpose to others.

I also realized that being honest with God is the first step to changing your attitude. He already knows what you’re feeling and He wants you to come to Him. Otherwise why would He have died on a cross to give us free access to the Father? So we could sit and feel sorry for ourselves? No, so He could extend His mercy and grace to us and give us freedom. Freedom from the lies and condemnation of the enemy. Freedom from selfishness and pride. Freedom from the feeling that we will never change.

I am nowhere near perfect in this area. Trust me, just talk to my husband, my kids or my close friend, Carrie Sharpe over at “He Says, She Says” (www.ryancarriesharpe.com) and they will all tell you I still struggle. The difference now is knowing that I can go to my Father, be completely honest with Him, and He’ll accept me where I am, but He won’t leave me there. He loves me too much to let me stay in that dark cloud of misery. And I believe, I know, He loves you too much to let you stay there too.